WHY THE PACKERS ARE BETTER THAN THE VIKINGS
By Chris Lezotte, Twitter @chrislezotte

Existence
The Packers were founded in 1921 in tiny Green Bay, Wisconsin.   The Vikings, despite being in a major American metropolis, didn’t start their NFL charter until 1960.

Super Bowls
The Packers have been to 5 Super Bowls and the Vikings have been to 4. Very admirable for each team!   However, the Packers are 4-1 in the Big Game, the Vikings have been goose-egged. They’ve lost all 4.  In fact, the Packers lost a thriller in their lone Super Bowl loss while the Vikings have been embarrassed by the Chiefs (16 pt loss) the Dolphins (17pt loss), Raiders (18pt loss), and Steelers (10pt loss). The Vikings are Losers! Only the Bills share such ineptitude in the Super Bowl. And, that’s where this document could end, but, I shall proceed…

Best Coach
When a team wins the Super Bowl they are handed the Vince Lombardi Trophy to signify greatness in the greatest sport ever.   Vince Lombardi is still considered one of the best coaches across all sports. Lombardi coached the Packers. The Vikings’ best coach is Bud Grant. Grant led his team to 4 Super Bowls. Again, very admirable, but so did Marv Levy. Bud’s best attribute may be that he was born in Wisconsin (Superior).

Colors
As a man, let’s say you have a first date. And, you are excited to have this date. It’s time to dress, but, as you look into your closet, all you see is purple shirts and green shirts. What would you wear?  Be honest. Of course, you’d wear a green shirt. Male Viking fans: You are not royalty, put the purple in the garbage. Wear white with the purple trim instead and preserve your dignity. Additionally, October is breast cancer awareness month. Many teams incorporate pink into their team hats/socks/towels. What is the only NFL team where the color pink & it’s femininity matches the team color? You guessed it, the Vikings.

Fans’ headgear
Okay, this may be a push.   Wearing a cheese-wedge on your head makes you look dumb, however, wearing faux cheese beats gender-bending braids.   Men, why would you want to look like Heidi?   There is nothing like being at an NFL game and dudes can’t tell if you’re a man or a woman wearing those dumb braids.

Hall of Fame
Green Bay: 22 proud members with 2013 inductee Dave Robinson being the latest addition. The Packers also claim 4 others that played briefly in GB. Minnesota has 12 with an additional 7 who played or coached briefly for the Vikings. Enough said. Green Bay’s top Hall QB is Bart Starr while the Vikings’ is Fran Tarkenton.   (Any man named Fran should go to the county courthouse and change his name). Tarkenton won a bunch of games & had great passing marks as a starter, true, but what did he really win in his career (0-3 in Super Bowls).   I’ll wait while you think of something. Bart Starr only won more NFL titles than everyone including Unitas, Bradshaw, Brady, and Montana. Brett Favre will be inducted soon. History will remember him as a Packer, not a Viking.

Most Famous Play
Jim Marshall running the wrong way. How moronic. I mean, was he a 7-year old here playing Pop Warner as his parents laughed with glee from the sideline?   Has a college player ever done this? I’m not sure.

Packers Most Famous Play
Bart Starr sneaking in for the TD against the Cowboys to win the NFL title in the classic Ice Bowl. This is indelible in every football fan’s mind as one of the top plays in NFL history. It showed guts, passion, and won the Packers glory.

Vikes (in)Famous Play 2
In the 1975 NFC playoffs, Roger Staubach hit Drew Pearson with a last-second bomb TD to beat the Vikings sending the Cowboys to the Super Bowl. This play has since become known as the “Hail Mary”. Frozen Viking fans were so dumbfounded that they threw debris onto the field for several minutes afterwards.   In fact, (Wikipedia – source) a whiskey bottle struck a game official, rendering him unconscious. Stay classy, Viking fans.

Revenue-Sharing
One aspect that makes the NFL great is revenue-sharing… Essentially, all the richer teams must share revenue for all 32 teams to divvy up and share equally. This ensures competitive balance.

According to Vikings.com, the Vikings receive annual subsidies of approximately $15 million from other NFL teams in order to compete. Also, The Vikings’ NFC North opponents – Chicago, Detroit and Green Bay – all generate approximately $30 million more annually than the Vikings. This is the main reason why the Vikings are building their new stadium. Kind of embarrassing, huh, Vikings?

Value
According to a 2014 Forbes magazine report, The Green Bay Packers are the 13^th-most value NFL franchise with a value over 1.3 billion dollars. The Vikings are 20^th most valuable, at 1.1 billion dollars. It is what it is.

Stadiums
Lambeau Field is considered one of the best sports venues in the history of man.   Seriously, no debate here! Put Fenway & Wrigley along with Lambeau Field.

The Vikings’ old Metropolitan Stadium had guts and flavor. The Metrodome is gone. In my opinion, Minnesota would have had more success with an outdoor stadium. Do you think the Falcons would have won that January NFC Championship game if it was played outdoors? Even Gary Anderson would agree. Domes allow teams to come into Minnesota and have an equal footing for victory. Lambeau is cold, intimidating, and awe-inspiring.   Winning in Green Bay in November or December has always been more difficult due to Lambeau Field!

Minnesota’s brand-new stadium with a partially retractable roof is set to open in 2016. Thank you, Taxpayers. The State of Minnesota kicked in an estimated $348 million. The city of Minneapolis kicked in an estimated $150 million. This is Minnesota’s second new stadium since the early 1980s. It will be valued at over $975 million dollars. Meanwhile, Lambeau Field is widely considered the holiest of NFL sites, a cathedral to the game. Plus, GB plays outdoors, in the elements.   Who doesn’t think that football should be played outdoors?

Birds
Bird-enthusiasts are threatening to sue the Vikings because their new stadium’s big plate of glass. This glass, they claim, will kill many birds. Birds have bird-brains and will kamikaze themselves right into this glass. The Vikings don’t plan on changing their glass-design. But, they may need a lot more Windex to clean bird guts off their glass. Lambeau Field isn’t known to kill aviary.

Traditions
Jumping into the stands at Lambeau Field is awesome for both the players and fans. This tradition was started by Leroy Butler and made famous by Robert Brooks. It’s a fan-favorite after every score. Vikings tradition: Blowing that incessant horn while Ragnar drives a Wisconsin-made Harley-Davidson on synthetic turf.

Arrests
According to September, 2014 report by the New York Times, the Vikings led the NFL in arrests, or cited with a crime, from January 2000 to September 2014 with 44. Green Bay? 17 Packers were arrested or cited with a crime; very near the bottom of the league (Rams, 12).   And, the Vikings had another PR nightmare with the arrest of their top player, Adrian Peterson, for switching his child’s backside.

Tact
On Sunday, 9/28/14, the Vikings were selling Adrian Peterson jerseys at TCF Bank Stadium. In fact, they were also selling youth-sized Adrian Peterson jerseys. Please never mind that Adrian has been banished from the team, and, that he was arrested for child abuse. Money has to be made, right Minnesota?

Brett Favre
Favre is arguably one of the top NFL quarterbacks of all time. He was the ironman in GB, and, led the Packers to Super Bowls, winning one. He’s the only player to win 3-straight AP NFL MVP awards. He is still loved here. Basically, he dicked around with Packers management in 2008. After ending his brief retirement, he was traded to the Jets just so he could burn a year off in hopes of burning the Packers with the Vikings. The Vikes did come close to achieving greatness, but, Favre’s late INT vs. the Saints in the NFC Championship game helped doom Minnesota. Favre’s final season in 2010 season was shameful. A broken down Favre struggled with a bad Viking team. His career ended with a concussion. Bottom-line, the Packers’ Favre was better than the Vikings’ Favre.

Head-to-Head
Packers are 56-49-2 all-time, including the Playoffs, vs. the Vikings. Enough said.